Valentine’s Day: All of your questions answered, bitterly

February 14, 2018

Is it me or has Valentine’s Day rolled around pretty quickly this year? Slow your roll 2017.

We’ve endured a number of heartbreaks in the past few months, what with dying legends, Brexit and – at the top of my list – Kanye’s hospitalisation. So it’s nice to finally celebrate something right? Even if it is just a successful interaction with another human being. Wrong. Well, not entirely ‘wrong’. If hopping into your skimpiest underwear and eating chocolate covered strawberries is your thing then by all means, continue. But does St. Valentine really need an entire day?

Now I know what you’re thinking, “here we go, another anti-Valentine’s Day post”, but I’m not necessarily ‘anti Valentine’s’, I’m just confused and terribly skint. My confusion lies with the man himself I mean, who even is St Valentine? Not an awful lot is known about the guy this entire day surrounds and there are conflicting ideas on where V-day actually comes from. Many people believe that St Valentine was invented by writer and poet Geoffrey Chaucer in fourteenth century England, on the 14th Feb – I mean you cannot make this stuff up. Way back when, it was referred to as ‘feast day’, a day to celebrate saints and incidentally, is when the date first became associated with romantic love. In the Middle Ages however, it was believed that birds frequently paired to mate in mid-February and to be honest, if it’s good enough for the birds, it’s good enough for us.

This leads me to question why we’ve set ourselves a 24-hour time slot for lovin’. Especially since we know good and well, that love can be expressed in many different ways, any day of the year. Stop being ridiculous and put the chocolate hearts down. If the fact that we’re mindlessly celebrating a day allocated to love isn’t enough of a reason to boycott, then the statistics probably will. Nowadays if you really want to get laid, you’ve got to spend the big bucks. What is Valentine’s Day about, if not gorging yourself on fancy dinners, stuffing your face with chocolates and trying to articulate the words ‘I love you’, as your button pops and you’ve got chocolate dribbling down your chin. Sexy. By the time he’s given you that ring you’ve been hinting at all year, he can’t squeeze it onto your greedy capitalist finger!

The truth is, I do encourage the celebration of love. So why do I seem so annoyed? I hear you cry. The truth is, I just don’t like being conned out of money, the overwhelming pressure to either get with or stay with a partner and most of all, I don’t like the inappropriate focus on heart shaped things. You know that’s an arse, right?

My advice to any celebrators is to love their significant other as though every day is Valentine’s Day – corny, I know – and remember that February 14th is just another rainy Tuesday. I mean we live in England for crying out loud.

This post was originally written in 2017 for Almost Writers.

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